Chapter 2- The Very Beginning

The Very Beginning- Bella POV

"Where do I start?" I questioned as I sat the bottle of water down and let out a deep breath. "You guys know most of it. You've been my best friends for years. I don't even know where to begin."

Alice grabbed two chairs from the opposite side of the dressing room and moved them to sit in front of me. "What stands out to you? What don't we know?" Alice said as she and Rosalie sat down in the chairs.

What stands out? What don't you know?

There are many years before I met them that they know only bits and pieces of. I had met them both in college. That leaves eighteen years of my life to try and explain to them.

"Where are my clothes I had on earlier? If I'm gonna tell you all of this, I wanna have some pants on at least." I scanned the room for my suitcase, and spotted it in the far corner. I quickly grabbed the suitcase, and pulled out a pair of jeans. I was wearing a corset, veil, and jeans. Classy.

I sat back down in the chair. "Okay, well I guess I need to go back to when I was four. That's where it all started."

Bella- 4 years old

"Mommy, why do I have to go? I don't want to. I wanna stay home with Grandma. Please don't make me go!" I cried out as I pitched a fit in the backseat of my mom's van.

"Bella, please calm down. It's not as bad as you are making it out to be. You are gonna have so much fun. You are gonna make all kinds of new friends and learn lots of fun stuff. I promise." Renee attempted to comfort me from the drivers seat.

I folded my arms across my chest in protest, and poked out my bottom lip. "I don't want new friends. I don't wanna learn." I said under my breath.

"You are over reacting. I promise you will love it and you do want to learn. Quit acting crazy!" She retorted as the car came to a stop.

I saw her unbuckle her seatbelt and come around the car to open my door. I went to lock the door, but my arm wasn't long enough and I couldn't reach it. She opened the door, and unbuckled my seat belt.

"Sweetie, I promise you are going to like it. I'll make you a deal. If you go to school for this week, and behave like the good girl I know you are, I will take you for pizza on Friday. Okay?" She said as she pulled me out of the car.

I didn't want to agree to it, but I loved pizza and she didn't let me have it very often.

I nodded my head, and she bent down to kiss my forehead. She then handed me the Mickey Mouse bookbag I had picked out earlier that week. I put my arms through the holes and shrugged it on to my back.

"Alight, now you and Mickey have a great day. Your dad will be back to pick you this afternoon, okay?"

I lightly kicked a rock on the pavement before I agreed. "Okay."

That was it. I was forced to go into the school. I didn't want to go but I had clearly lost the fight. I walked up the stairs, and there was a petite lady standing at the door. She welcomed me in, and guided me to my classroom.

She turned out to be my teacher. Her name was Mrs. Brown, and she was actually very nice.

Since it was the first day of our very first class, she had assigned our seats. Each of our names were written on index cards on our desks. My seat was next to a chalkboard on one side, and on the other side there was a kid named Edward. He wasn't there yet, and I was happy for a minute that I wouldn't have to sit next to anyone.

Mrs. Brown instructed me to place my bookbag in the assigned cubby hole, and to wait in my seat until class started.

I did as I was told. I already missed my grandma. She and I had so much fun at home. We were always playing together. Why couldn't I just stay home with her?

A few minutes later I saw Mrs. Brown walk in with a little boy. His hair was dark and messy and he was pretty pale. Mrs. Brown bent down to tell him something, and then I saw him walk towards my desk. He passed my desk, and went to put his bag in his cubby hole. Then he walked up and sat in the desk right next to mine.

Edward. This was the Edward I would be sitting next to every day. I hoped he would be nice, but I knew no one could be as much fun as my grandma.

"Hi. I'm Edward Cullen. What's your name?" He said in a high pitched voice as he held out his hand.

I looked at his hand like it was an alien. I'd never really been around too many boys. I reluctantly extended my hand to meet his. He's wrapped his small hand around mine, and began to shake it up and down.

"Umm.... I'm Bella." I responded before pulling my hand away.

Just then Mrs. Brown shut the door to the room, and walked up to the desk at the front of the room.

"Alright children, quiet down please." She said as she began to write on the chalkboard. "My name is Mrs. Brown, and I will be your teacher this year."

She then began to go over the rules, and activites we would be doing throughout the year.

We did a couple of learning exercises, and the next thing I knew it was recess time. School wasn't a bad as I had thought it was going to be. My mom was right; I did like to learn. I just hadn't been around many kids in my life, and being around so many at one time was making me uneasy.

We went out to the playground behind the building for recess. I went over to the swings, and sat down in one. I began to pump my legs back and forth to gain some height. I caught my stride, and was relaxing a bit when I felt a rock hit my arm. I looked around to see who where it came from. There were so many kids that I couldn't tell who had thrown it.



I continued to swing, figuring the rock had just been an accident. A short while later, I felt another rock hit my leg. I stopped the swing, and looked around. I saw Edward, and some other kid sitting on the slide and laughing.

Why was he throwing rocks at me? I hadn't done anything to him? He didn't even know me.

I sat on the steps for the rest of recess. I wanted to go home. I wanted to get away from this kid who was being mean to me for no reason.

We went back in the building where we were all instructed to use the bathroom, and wash up for lunch. Afterwards, we went back to the classroom where we ate our packaged lunches.

I refused to look over at Edward. He was mean, and I wanted nothing to do with him.

After we ate lunch, I was told it was nap time. We all pulled our mats out of our cubby holes, and laid them next to our desk.

I made sure to put mine next to the chalkboard and not next to Edward.

I was fast asleep until I felt someone pull my mat. I sat up in a panic and saw that, yet again, it was Edward.

"Leave me alone!" I yelled out.

"Be quiet, children." said Mrs. Brown.

I looked at Edward, and he was sitting on his mat laughing. What was it with this kid? Why did he have it out for me?

The rest of the day went by without incident, and at three o'clock my dad was there to pick me up. I ran out to his car, and opened the back door before he could even get out.

"Hey babygirl! How was school?" He asked excitedly.

I buckled myself in my seat. "Dad, can we please just go? I don't wanna talk about it!"

The car began to move. "Was is that bad?" He questioned.

"Yes, I just wanna get home and see grandma."

"I'm sorry you had such a bad day. We'll be home soon."

Once we arrived home, I ran to my grandma. She always had a way of comforting me. She was the nicest, most kind, loving grandma in the world.

"Grandma! I missed you so much!" I cried out as she enveloped me in a huge hug.

"I missed you too. How was school?"

She pulled out of the hug, and sat down on the couch. I climbed into her lap, and wrapped my arms around her torso. Just the smell of her could calm me down.

"It was awful! I'm never going back!"

She lightly rubbed my back in an attempt to comfort me. "Now now dear. Tell me what happened."

"Well, I had to sit next to this mean boy named Edward. At recess he threw rocks at me, and then during nap time he pulled my mat and wouldn't let me sleep. I don't know why he was so mean to me. He doesn't even know me." I managed to spit out through my sobbing.

She pulled me away from her chest, and grabbed my face. She looked into my eyes, and said "Well, you know why this Edward was doing all of that to you. Don't you?"

I had no idea. Maybe because he was just a mean person. I didn't know.

I shook my head.

"It's because he likes you."

"Grandma, that doesn't make sense."

"But it does. Boys his age pick on girls they like because they don't know how to express it. Trust me." She then pressed a light kiss against my forehead.

I was blown away. Why would he be mean to me if he liked me? Being mean to me didn't make me like him. I came to the conclusion then. Boys are stupid.

"Wow! I knew you guys had been friends forever but I didn't know it went back that far." Alice stated.

"Yeah, I know. I've been friends with him pretty much my whole life. I don't know what I'd do without him. I've never really had to be without him."

"That's sweet." Rosalie said.

"Yeah, but there's more to it than that." I stated as I rubbed my forehead.

Chapter One

Bella POV

“What the fuck am I doing?” I said under my breath as I took in my ridiculous appearance in the full length mirror. I assumed that to everyone else I looked beautiful and glowing. To myself I looked like I was a sad case of a woman. That somewhere along the line I had let familiarity and comfort take precedence over happiness.

I had taken a big fucking wrong turn along the way, and ended up here with a good guy that I just wasn't in love with. Yes, he loved me today. The question is after giving birth to a kid, and gaining weight I may not ever lose; would he love me then? Would he love me unconditionally? When my ass is sagging in forty years, will he still look at me and want me? When my face is all wrinkles, and my hair is all gray; will he want me then?

The better question was how would I feel in ten or twenty years? Will I look back, and think that I married my forever love, or will I look back and feel like I've wasted the last twenty years of my life on someone that was just a good guy?

All of a sudden my vision was blurry, and my head was spinning. I couldn't regulate my breathing, and that fucking corset made me feel like I was suffocating. I felt like the room was closing in on me. I started breaking out in cold sweats all over my body.

I reached behind my back trying desperately to grab a hold of the string that held the corset together. I couldn't seem to grasp the fucking string, and I knew if I didn't hurry up that I would be passed out on the floor from a fucking panic attack.

I finally grasped the string and pulled as hard as I could, and I finally felt the fucking corset begin to loosen, but it wasn't helping my breathing.

“Bella! What the hell are you doing?” Alice yelled as she rushed over to where I was standing. “You're so red, and you're sweating. Oh my God! Are you okay?”

“Please...just ….. get... me out....of.... this... thing!” I managed to sputter out in between my jagged breaths, while I was still trying my best to get out of this damn corset.

“Bella, just stop! I'll get you out of it! Just stop before you tear this dress to shreds!”

I couldn't fucking care less about that fucking wedding dress. After my mental fucking break down, no one was going to be getting married in it. I felt like I wanted to burn that dress. Yes, it was beautiful, and most women would feel like a princess in it. I, however, felt like a fucking prisoner.

I felt like taking those vows and signing that marriage license would be signing my life away to the wrong man. I would be domed to a loveless life that I would never truly make me happy.

I wasn't so naive to believe in prince fucking charming, but I did believe in forever unconditional love. I didn't believe that there would never be any arguments, but I did believe that he wouldn't use my own insecurities against me during a fight when I felt most vulnerable.

“Alice! You're taking too long. Fuck, I feel like I'm going to pass out!” I clutched my throat as if it was going to help the air actually come into my lungs.

“There! There! You're out! Sit down!” She shouted as she guided me back into the chair.

I literally collapsed into the chair. My legs felt like they were made of gelatin. I attempted to regain control of my breathing and slow my pulse.

Before I knew it, the tears were flowing down my cheeks and there wasn't anything I could do to stop it.

I sat there sobbing like a child while Alice kneeled down in front of me and attempted to calm me down by rubbing my arms.

“What's going on in here? People are starting to....” I heard Rosalie ask as she burst through the door.

“Shut the door!” Alice shouted.

“Oh my God! Is she okay? What happened?” Rose asked as she slowly walked towards the chair I was sitting in.

“I'm fucking sitting right here! You can ask me!” I seethed. I knew she didn't deserve my shitty attitude, but I couldn't help it. She was talking about me like I wasn't even in the room.

“I'm sorry, Bella. Are you alright? What can I do?” she questioned, as she kneeled down next to Alice.

“Can you get her some water?” Alice asked.

“Yeah, I'll be right back.”

Rose left the room, and I was still sobbing uncontrollably. It was like six years of pent up emotions were finally being released. All of the uncertainty, pain, berating, insulting, and resentment. It was all being released in that one moment.

“Bella, you have to regain your composure.”

“Fuck composure.”

I saw Rosalie re-enter the room through my blurred vision. She handed me the bottled water. “Here you go, B.”

I opened the bottle and practically swallowed the whole bottle in two gulps.

“Thank you.” I managed to say without anger in my voice. It seemed like my bodily functions were beginning to return to normal. My breathing was becoming more normal, and I felt my pulse slowing. My vision was back to normal, and I didn't feel like sweating pig anymore.

“Do you wanna tell us what happened?” Alice asked.

Where the fuck was I supposed to start? When I was four years old, or when I was twenty one? There were two starting points that ultimately converged in this day. Rosalie and Alice were my best friends, they already knew some of what was going on, but I hadn't told anyone the entire story. Maybe, today was the day.