Monday, February 15, 2010
Chapter 7- Another Side of Jacob
"We know Jacob moved to Atlanta that summer after he graduated, and you were so sickeningly happy that I almost had to reconsider my friendship with you." Rose said.
"Was I that bad?"
Alice swatted at Rose's arm. "No, you weren't. I was happy for you. It was nice to see you so in love." Rose stuck her tongue out at Alice in return.
"Thank you, Alice. It wasn't all perfect you know?"
"Yeah I remember the first time you came crying to us." Alice responded. My mind began to remember that horrible day.
Jacob and I had been dating for almost nine months. He had accepted a great entry level position at a firm in Atlanta. His bosses seemed to like him, and he was brilliant with his work. He had asked me to move in with him, but I kept getting the feeling it was too soon. I knew I was in love with him, but I didn't want to push our luck.
He invited me over for dinner one night. It was supposed to just be a quiet night in with dinner and a movie, but things went terribly wrong. I took the elevator up to his floor and knocked on the door. He opened the door and kissed me quickly and hungrily. He didn't usually greet me with such a hungry kiss, and I was confused. I followed him into the kitchen where he was putting the finishing touches on dinner.
"How was your day?" He asked as he handed me a glass of wine.
"It was good. Pretty uneventful, but good. Yours?" I sipped the wine.
"It was pretty hectic. It's nice to be at home with you and just relax."
"You didn't have to cook dinner. We could have ordered in."
"No, it's fine. I wanted to cook for you." I felt the concern growing inside of my gut. It was as if there was something he was leaving out, something I was missing.
He was tossing the salad when his phone rang. "Bella, can you get that for me? It might be the firm."
"Sure." I reached over the counter and grabbed his phone. "Hello?" I heard a female voice on the other end.
"Is this Jacob's phone?" She asked.
"Yes. He's busy right now. Can I take a message?"
"Oh my God. It's her." I heard her say softly before she hung up and my heart stopped. It was her? What did that mean? Who was she? I held the phone to my ear. I was in a daze as I stared at his back.
"Who was it?" He asked.
I stood there completely stunned. I couldn't move or say anything. I was frozen.
"Bella? Who was it?" He put down the salad and turned around. "Are you okay? What's wrong?"
"I....I.... I don't know. She hung up." I sputtered out.
He took the phone from my hand and began pressing buttons on the phone. I stared at him as he frantically shuffled through his phone, and then he stopped.
"Who is she?" I asked.
"Fuck." He said under his breath as he slammed his phone down on the counter.
"Answer me." I demanded. He was silent for a minute, and it was almost like I could see his brain trying to think of something to say. "Fine." I grabbed my purse and began to walk towards the door. He didn't even try to stop me. He just let me leave. I knew there was something going on that he was trying to hide. There was no reason for her to hang up, and there was no reason for him not to answer my question.
I drove as fast as I could to Alice and Rose. I needed my girls. I had never been put in such a position before and didn't know how to react. I didn't want to run back to him and act like it hadn't happened, but I didn't want to let him go either. He called non stop for the next couple of days, and I refused to talk to him. He needed to understand how hurt I was and that I wasn't just going to accept it.
"Asshole." Rose stated.
"It was a bad time for me. He would never admit to cheating on me, but I always felt like he had. Just because he wouldn't admit it didn't mean it didn't happen. We eventually moved past it, but there was a piece of me that wished he had just been man enough to admit it."
"And you moved in with him after a while. You must have really been in love." Alice said.
"Yeah I did and I was. I wanted it to work so badly that I just overlooked things that I shouldn't have."
Edward had called me after months and months of us not talking and asked me if I wanted to go to dinner to catch up. I missed him dearly, and I didn't have any plans with Jacob so I accepted his invitation. Jacob came home that afternoon, and I informed him that I was going to dinner with Edward.
"Okay. Have a good time." He said. He and Edward had met briefly, but didn't really know anything about each other.
"I will baby. Call you on my way home." I kissed him lightly and walked out the door.
I met Edward at the Japanese Steakhouse. It was one of our favorite spots for dinner. We ate and talked about everything. He had told me about his fiancee, and I had told him about Jacob. We expressed how much we missed each other, and by the time dinner was over, we had made plans to meet again in a few weeks. I gave him a hug as we exited the restaurant.
As I got in my car, I finally noticed the time. It was later than I thought. The time had simply escaped from us. I dialed Jacob's number and he answered on the first ring.
"Hello." He said.
"Hey honey. Sorry it's so late. We just got to talking and the time just flew by. Do you want me to pick you up some dinner?"
"Bella, it's way past dinner time. I've already eaten. You should have let me know you were gonna be out so late. I was worried."
"Don't be sorry. Just don't do it again." He stated.
"Uh okay. I'll be home shortly." I said before he hung up the phone. I was stunned that he had hung up before saying good bye.
When I arrived home, it was like I walked into a war zone. He was pacing the floor and grabbing at his hair. As soon as he saw me walk in the door, he started in on me. "Bella, you can't see Edward anymore."
"What? Why?" Who did he think he was to tell me that I couldn't have dinner with my best friend?
"Because I am your boyfriend, and I don't feel comfortable with your relationship with him."
What the hell was he talking about? "You've lost me. I know you're my boyfriend, but you can't tell me that I can't see my best friend."
He raced over to me and pointed his finger in my face. "Yes I can! There is more to your relationship with him than friends, and I won't allow you to make me look like a fool!"
"So, you can deny that you ever cheated on me even though I know it's true, but I can't hang out with Edward?"
"Don't bring that shit up again. We've already discussed that."
"But you never admitted it."
"Nothing ever happened to admit to! You have to choose either me or Edward!"
How could he make me choose between the man I was in love with and my life long best friend? It made me look at him totally different. I didn't know what to do and I certainly wasn't going to make that decision right then and there.
"And you chose Jacob." Alice said.
"Yeah, I did. As much as I valued Edward's friendship, I had to choose love. Edward was engaged, and I was living with Jacob. We were both starting new lives, and I couldn't live in the past with Edward. It was the hardest decision I'd ever had to make."
"What did you tell Edward?" Alice asked.
"I never really told him anything. I just avoided his calls and eventually he stopped calling."
"That's sad." Rose interjected.
"I agree. After a while of distancing myself from Edward, I started texting him. I couldn't exclude him from my life all together. I explained that I had been extremely busy, and that for a while texting would be the best way to get in touch with me. So, we kept in touch that way for a long time." The truth was that I loved Jacob, and I wanted a future with him, but there were sides of him that were coming out and I wasn't too sure about them. I wanted Jacob, and I wanted Edward too. I just couldn't let Jacob know that I was still in touch with Edward.
"Edward didn't marry that girl though." Alice stated.
"No, clearly not. They eventually broke up, and I felt bad that I couldn't be there for him like I had always been in the past. I unconsciously began to pull away from Jacob. I just felt the need to be there for the guy that had always been there for me. I snuck away from Jacob a couple times and went to see Edward. There was something deep down inside of me that told me I needed to go to Edward. I didn't feel bad for it either, it felt like the right thing to do."
"You shouldn't have felt bad. Edward had always been a huge part of your life." said Rose.
"I know. It was just a tough situation."
"And here we are, sitting in this church waiting on you to decide what you are gonna do. So, what are you gonna do Bella? You gonna put the dress back on and go up to the altar or are you gonna walk away?" Alice asked.