Chapter 4- Awkward Attraction

"Well I guess it's lucky for you that Edward has always put up with you and your craziness then, huh?" Rose asked as she sat in the chair and sipped on her water.

"Yeah, I guess I have been pretty lucky. Even through all of the high school drama, he was there. It didn't matter if I had a boyfriend, or if he had a girlfriend, we were always there for one another." I was once again in a daze. It seemed like everything said brought back some kind of memory. The days of high school came flooding back to me.

"Bella? You're in your own world again!" Alice shouted at me.

I shook my head. "Sorry. I can't help it. I'm all over the place today. I was just thinking about high school. That was when our families bought houses right next to each other. Like Edward and I weren't close enough already."

"It sounds like you're complaining about having him next door." Alice interjected.

"Well, I knew he liked me. He was never open about it, but after that time when we were seven, I always knew. I just couldn't risk losing him as my best friend, but for the most part I didn't look at him in a romantic way. He was the little boy I used to play with in the mud."

"Was he as good looking then as he is now?" Rose asked.

I shrugged my shoulders. "I don't know. Like I said, I didn't look at him like that back then. We did everything together. We lived next door to each other, went to school together, went to sporting events together, our families even went on vacation together. After a while, everyone just assumed that we were boyfriend and girlfriend because we were always together."

"I bet the vacations were fun. Having hot ass Edward running up and down the beach." Alice exclaimed.

"Yeah, that sounds like a good vacation to me." Rose said as he laughed.

"They were fun, but I could never meet any men because he was always with me. Our parents even had us sleep in the same bed sometimes."

"Wait, I thought Charlie wouldn't let you two be close or alone or anything?" Alice questioned.

"That was true for a while, but as we got older and Charlie saw that I wasn't interested in Edward like that, he didn't worry anymore."

"Oh, okay. You are better than me. If I had Edward in my bed, I would've had to jump him!" Rose exclaimed.

My head instantly went to the time when Edward and I had went to the beach with our families in the summer. We were sixteen years old, and you couldn't tell us anything.

Bella 16 years old

"Mom, Edward and I are gonna go ride around and see what we can find."

"Okay, you two be safe. Be back by six. We are going to dinner." Renee said as she continued to lay on the beach.

"Will do, Mom." I said as I turned to run back up to the room.

"You ready to go?" Edward asked.

"Yeah, we are good to go." I answered. We walked out to the parking lot and got into Edward's car. We were so excited about finally being sixteen, and there was no way one of us wasn't going to bring a car.

We got in the car and let down the windows. We pulled onto the main strip of road that ran the length of the beach. We turned up the music and we were totally jamming out. It was the best! It felt so free to be with my best friend and without our parents. The girls were trying to talk to Edward as they passed by and the guys were trying to talk to me. I can't tell you how many times I had to tell them that he wasn't my boyfriend. He looked a little hurt the first few times I said it, but then he was saying the same thing to the girls.

It was finally time to go back to the hotel and go to dinner with our parents. After dinner we could hardly contain ourselves. We were so ready to get away from our parents. We enjoyed the freedom of going out and meeting new people without them. It made us feel like we were almost adults.

One of the local clubs was having teen night and our parents agreed to let us go. My parents weren't worried because they knew that Edward would never let anything happen to me.

We were walking around the club, surveying the people and figuring out where we wanted to situate ourselves. We decided to grab a couple seats by the bar since it was close to the dance floor. Edward wasn't the best dancer, but I had been trying to teach him.

We ordered a couple of sodas and sat down for a few minutes. There were a few girls eyeing Edward, but looked as if they were unsure of his status. So, I got up and walked away. I wasn't going to block him from meeting girls. Hopefully without him around, I would meet a guy or two.

Shortly after I found a new seat, a really handsome, well built, dark haired guy came up to talk to me. He was amazingly good looking. I honestly had no idea what he was saying, but his muscles, looks, and smile was saying enough for me. Before I knew it, he was standing up and holding out his hand to me.

"Excuse me?" I asked.

"I asked if you wanted to dance?" He replied.

I smiled. "Oh, of course."

We passed by the table Edward was sitting at, and I noticed the group of girls were still sitting there and smiling while he talked.

Once we were on the dance floor, the new guy and I began to move with the beat of the music. He was surprisingly a good dancer. Who was I kidding? The way that man's body was built, he could've stood there and smiled and I would've been amazed.

Just as new guy and I were enjoying ourselves, I felt someone tap me on the shoulder.

I turned to see who it was. "What's up, Edward?" I asked. I couldn't believe he was seriously interrupting me.

"You wanna dance?" He asked.

Seriously Edward? No!

"Are you serious?" I asked incredulously.

"Yeah, why not?"

"Because I'm dancing with this hot ass guy right now!" I replied.

"Oh, fuck it then." He angrily replied as he turned to walk away.

I felt bad for about a half of a second until I turned around to new hot ass guy.

"Is that your man?" He asked.

"Not even close." I replied.

He shrugged his shoulders, and we continued to dance for a while.

I later noticed that Edward was dancing with one of the girls from earlier. She was tall, thin, blonde. She looked cute from behind so who knew what her face actually looked like.

I felt a small twinge of jealousy, but pushed it back. I didn't even know where it had come from. I had never been jealous of Edward and another girl; especially when I had new guy in front of me.

The rest of the night went by without incident, and next thing I knew, Edward and I were laying in the bed together making jokes about the people at the club.

---

"I cannot believe you two slept in the same bed and didn't do anything!" Rose said.

"Believe it. It was like that for years. We were just friends."

"But you said you felt a little bit of jealousy when he was dancing with that chick, right?" Alice asked.

"Yeah. And?"

"You never got jealous when he had a girlfriend?" Alice asked.

I thought about it for a second. "Yeah, eventually I did. He was dating this girl in the eleventh grade. It was the first time he was serious about a girl. He had told me how much he loved her, and that made me really jealous. Him dating girls, and him falling in love with them were two totally different things. I could handle him dating, but it seemed Edward in love wasn't something I could handle."

"Did you say anything to him?" Rose asked.

"Not for a while. I was still shocked myself. Why had it taken so long for me to realize my feelings for him? I couldn't process it all, and he seemed so happy. I didn't want to ruin it with my retarded feelings."

"So, he never knew?" Alice questioned.

"No. After seeing them together so much, and having him ditch me for her so often, I had to say something. I was going crazy."

---

Bella-Eleventh Grade Year

"Edward, can we talk for a second?" I asked. We had been studying at his house all day, and I had been working up my nerve to confess my feelings to him.

"Yeah, of course. What's up?" He asked as he sat down his pencil.

"Well," I began "I know you and Rachel are happy, and I don't want to interfere, but I need to tell you something." My heart beat was racing and my palms were sweaty. I had never been nervous around him before.

"What is it Bella? Just tell me."

I swallowed hard. "Okay. It's just that lately... I've kinda been having feelings for you." I said softly as I fidgeted with my pen.

"Really?" He asked.

"Yeah."

"Why are you telling me this now?" He asked.

"What do you mean? When was I supposed to tell you?" I asked.

He sat back in his seat and ran his hands through his hair. "I don't know, but telling me now wasn't it. You could have told me anytime in the past twelve years."

"I didn't know until you told me you were in love with her. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I've been putting this off for a while because I didn't want to complicate what you have with Rachel." I retorted.

"Well this is really shitty timing. What am I supposed to do? You know how I feel about Rachel."

"I know. I'm sorry."

He looked at me with pain in his eyes. "What do you want me to do, Bella? You want me to break up with a great girl because you might finally want to be more than friends?"

"I don't know, Edward. I just needed you to know." I replied. I could see this was not going to work out in my favor and deep down I had to wonder if that was what I had even wanted. Was I confessing to Edward to inform him or to make myself feel better? I had no idea. I was starting to get upset.

"You needed me to know? Why? So that when I'm looking at Rachel and she's telling me she loves me, I can be thinking that the girl I've wanted for twelve years finally wants me too?" He sarcastically replied.

"That's not what I wanted. Never mind. Just forget I said anything." I said while I began to gather my books. I packed them in my back pack and began to walk towards the door.

"Bella! Wait!" He called out.

"Just forget it, Edward. I'm sorry I told you." I replied as I walked out the door.

---

"What happened after that?" Alice asked.

"Nothing. He didn't break up with her. It was awkward between us for months. I felt like my whole life had changed. I eventually started dating a guy, and that helped to take my mind off of Edward. It didn't last long though. I wasn't the long term relationship type back then."

"How long were they together?" Rose questioned.

"A while. I think they broke up the summer before senior year. Then all of a sudden he was back to being my best friend."

"And the awkwardness was gone?" Alice asked.

"It was a little weird at first, but we soon fell back in our comfortable routine with each other. We never talked about the day that I confessed all of that to him. It was like it never happened."

"You two are weird." Rose stated.

"We are not. It's just how our relationship has always been. I was always there for him, and he was there for me." I stated as I began remembering the time that summer when Edward was there for me more than he had ever been.

---

Bella- Summer before Senior Year

I was going on a date with a guy I met at the mall one day. He picked me up from my house, met my parents and everything. We went to dinner and were having great conversations. He seemed like a really great guy. That was until after the movie when he was supposed to take me home, and began driving in the opposite direction.

I asked where we were going, but he just kept telling me he had something special planned. Instead of feeling excited, I was feeling scared. I didn't really know this guy, and he was driving somewhere I knew nothing about. I began to panic internally as we reached an empty park.

He parked the car and released his seat belt. He reached his hand over and began to slide it up my leg. I pushed him away quickly.

I asked what he was doing, but he kept telling me to relax. How the hell could I relax when I was in a dark, empty park with a guy I barely knew?

I told him to stop but he didn't. He was so much stronger than me, and before I knew it he was climbing over the console and on top of me.

At that point, I knew I had to get out of there. It was either stay and be raped, or get out and just run. I chose the latter, I opened the door and ran as fast as I could. I hid in the woods for a while. I could hear him yelling out, and threatening me, but I didn't care. I would have stayed in those woods all night.

He finally left, and I grabbed my cell phone out of my purse. I didn't know who to call. My parents would have freaked out.

The only person I could call was Edward. I dialed his number and prayed he answered.

"Hey Bella! What's up?"

"Thank God you answered!" As breathed heavily into the phone.

"Are you okay? What's wrong?" He asked.

I began to cry uncontrollably, finally allowing my emotions to come out since the bastard was gone.

"Bella? Where are you?"

"I don't know. I'm in the woods at some park. I'm scared." I managed to say through my sobs.

"Why are you in the woods? Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm just scared. That guy I went out with turned out to be an asshole and tried to make me have sex with him. Can you come get me?"

"Son of a bitch. I'm already in the car. I just need to know where to go. Try to walk towards the road so you can tell me the name."

"Okay. I'm just scared that he's not really gone. What if he's hiding and waiting on me?"

"Don't think like that. He's probably gone. Just help me out here."

"Okay. Don't hang up." I said as I began to walk out of the woods towards the street lights. I didn't see him or his car anywhere as I approached the street sign. I read the sign to Edward.

"Okay. I'll be there before you know it. Find a bench or table to sit at until I get there."

He stayed on the phone with me the whole time, even though I cried for the majority of the time. I was constantly on edge that the guy was gonna come back looking for me.

I saw his car pull in the park and I instantly began to run towards him. He was out of the car and running towards me before I could reach him.

"Thank God you're alright." He sighed.

"Thank you for coming." I said as I cried into his chest.

"You don't have to thank me. I'm just glad you're okay. I'm gonna kill that loser."

"Let's just go. I don't wanna think of him anymore."

"Okay." He said before walking me over to the car. He shut the door behind me, and got in on his side. He reached to grab my hand and squeezed it.

I looked at him and he smiled. "You're safe now," He said.

I knew I was safe with him. He would never even have thought to do something as deplorable as that other guy had. Edward was a nice guy.

---

"I never knew any of that, Bella!" Rose said.

"I've never really told anyone. It's just one of those secrets between me and Edward," I confessed as I attempted to purge the memory of that awful night from my brain.

---

Chapter 3- He's My Rock

"Well, Bella, there's clearly more to it than Edward picking on you in pre-school. I mean we are sitting in a church on your wedding day, but you have taken the dress off. That was like twenty years ago. We need more info." Rosalie sharply stated.

"Yeah, Bella. Pre-school didn't make you have a panic attack a few minutes ago. Out with it woman!" Alice demanded.

"Fine." I began as I readjusted myself in my chair. "After that first day of pre-school, Edward continued to do things to pick on me. Finally, one day I was fed up with him, and decided to make him stop. He was throwing little pieces of candy at me during class, and I finally yelled at him to stop. I apparently yelled so loudly that I interrupted the teacher's lesson. She asked what happened, and I told her all about Edward's tormenting. He apparently got in so much trouble with his parents that day that he was nothing but nice to me after that."

"Little punk." Alice murmured under her breath.

I couldn't help but giggle at her statement. It was true. He was a little punk back then.

"He was four. What do you expect?" I asked her.

She shrugged her shoulders and motioned for me to continue with the story.

"After that year, Edward and I were pretty much inseparable. Our parents thought it was so weird that our best friends weren't kids of the same sex. My mom thought I should have been closer to girls, and not so close to Edward."

"Renee didn't like Edward?" Rose asked.

"It wasn't that she didn't like him. She just wanted me to be around more girls, and not spend all of my time with the little boy down the street."

"Oh, that's right. You guys used to live close to each other, right?" Alice chimed in.

"Yeah, his house was like a mile from mine. Anyway, back to the story. We were inseparable. It didn't help when our parents signed us up for recreational sports. My parents thought it would be good for me to join a cheer-leading team. Something about being with girls, and learning teamwork. What they didn't know was that the team I was cheering for was the same football team Edward was on. Which meant going to games together, and having parties together."

"Ohhh, I bet Charlie was pissed, huh?" Rose interjected.

I laughed to myself. "Yeah, he was less than excited. All throughout elementary school, we had classes and sports together. We had other friends, but we had been friends for so long that no one could really get close to either of us. Eventually, our parents gave up and actually became friends themselves. So, then it was all cookouts, pool parties, family vacations-everything was together." I paused for a second.

I was remembering this one incident between Edward and myself.

"Hello? Bella? We need you to continue!" Rose yelled.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I got lost in my thoughts for a second. I was just thinking about this stupid thing Edward and I did when we were seven."

~ ~
Bella- 7 years old


"Edward, I swear if you push me in you are gonna pay!" I shouted.


I was frantically running around the pool in our backyard. Edward's family had come over for a small outdoor get together. Everyone else was inside getting the food ready to put on the grill. Our parents knew we were great swimmers, and generally good kids. So, they didn't worry about leaving us outside alone.

I didn't know what had gotten into Edward. I guess he hadn't picked on me in a while, and was feeling the need to do so.


"Bella, you better run! You know I'm faster than you. I'm gonna catch you!" He responded.

I was trying everything I could think of to get away from him. I ran around the trampoline and back to the opposite side of the pool. As I took a second to catch my breath, I noticed it had gotten really quiet. I started to panic. I didn't know where he was. Just a second later, I felt two cool hands press against my back, and shove me towards the water. I fell in, and because I was unprepared I inhaled a huge amount of water.

I came up to the surface, and managed to get out of the water while I was basically choking. I heard Edward laughing in the distance, and I wanted to rip his head off.

I was practically dying, and he was laughing.

As I continued to cough and gasp for air, he finally realized I wasn't joking. He ran over to me in an attempt to help, but he didn't know what to do. He just kept asking if I was alright.

He finally ran inside to get help, and by the time they were all outside, I had recovered.

"What happened, Bella? Oh my God!" My mother exclaimed as she wrapped me in a towel.

"I... I... was .. playing with Edward and he pushed me in the water." I managed to spit out.

I didn't want to throw him under the bus, but I told him not to push me in.

Esme and Carlisle turned their attention to Edward.

"Edward, what were you thinking?" Carlisle began. "You could have killed her!"

I looked at Edward. He looked like a sad puppy dog.

"I didn't mean to hurt her, Dad. We were just playing." He said timidly.

"You can't just push people into the water. You would've been really upset if you had hurt Bella." Esme chastised him.

"Bella, go in your room, and lay down for a while." Charlie tendly instructed me.

"Okay."

I walked into the house, and went straight to my room. I closed the door behind me, and began to change into dry clothes. Once I was out of the wet swimsuit, I switched on the TV and laid down on the bed.

A few minutes later I heard a knock on my door.

"Who is it?"

"It's Edward. Can I come in?"

"Yeah."

He walked in and shut the door behind him.

"Are you alright?" He asked.

I shrugged my shoulders. "Yeah, I'll be fine."

"I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you."

"I know. It's okay. I didn't mean to get you in trouble."

"Don't worry about it. I'm just glad you are okay." He said as he sat down on the floor.

"You don't have to stay in here. You can go back outside. I'll be okay."

"Nah, I wanna stay in here. It's boring out there with all of the grown ups."

"Okay. You have to be cold. You wanna change into your clothes?" I asked.

"Good idea." He responded.

Edward stood up and grabbed his bag from the other side of my room. With his towel wrapped around his waist he slid off his swimming trunks, and quickly pulled on his shorts. He then pulled out a t shirt, and threw it on.

It wasn't weird that Edward was changing in front of me. He did it all the time, and it wasn't like I could see anything more than I saw when we were swimming.

He climbed on the bed, and sat down next to me.

We watched TV in silence for a few minutes. We never felt the need to fill the silence with talking.

I then felt Edward's hand on my knee. I immediately froze. We were best friends, but we had never touched each other outside of a hug.

Then he just left his hand there, like my knee was where it was supposed to be.

"Edward, what are you doing?"

"Uhhh... nothing." He responded as he quickly pulled his hand back.

"Why did you do that?"

"I thought you might like it?"

I looked at him in amazement. "Why would you think that?"

"Never mind, Bella. Just act like it never happened." He responded quietly as he dropped his head.

"You're acting weird, Edward."

"No I'm not."

"Yes you are! You pushed me in the pool, and now you're putting your hand on my leg. That's weird!"

He turned to look at me. "It's just that.... that.. I.... never mind."

"Just tell me, Edward. We tell each other everything. Don't start hiding stuff now."

"Well, I kind of..." He trailed off.

"You kind of what Edward?"

"L... li....like you."

"I know you like me. I'm your best friend."

He looked back down at his lap. "I like you more than just a friend."

I was completely stunned. We had been friends for so long. Why did he choose now to tell me he liked me? Had he liked me more than a friend the entire time?

He was my best friend. I had never looked at him in any other way.

I was speechless.

I sat there for a few minutes, and just stared into space. Did I like him too? I had never thought about it before.

"Just forget it. You don't like me like that." He said as he moved to get off the bed.

"No, wait!" I shouted. "I've just never thought about it. Maybe, I do like you like that."

He turned back to me and his face was beaming with excitement. "Really?"

"Maybe. How do I know?"

"I don't know." He responded.

"How did you know then?"

"I've always liked you Bella. Ever since that first day of pre-school. You just make me feel different."

Different? What kind of different? What does that mean?

I was so confused. I didn't want to hurt my best friend, but I honestly didn't know if I liked him like that.

"Maybe we should kiss?" He suggested.

He had to be crazy! I had never kissed a boy before. I didn't know what to do. The only people that I had ever seen kiss were married.

"You have to be married to do that." I responded.

"No you don't. Come on, let's just try it."

I looked down at my hands in my lap. "I've never kissed anyone before."

"Me either."

"How will we know what to do?" I asked.

"We just press our lips together."

"Okay." I agreed.

We sat staring at each other for what seemed like an eternity. Neither one of us having any idea of how to move forward.

Edward finally closed his eyes and began to lean forward. I saw him press his lips together as he continued to lean closer to me. I started to panic. I was scared as hell.

I didn't move an inch. Before I knew it, Edward's lips were planted firmly against mine. My breathing stopped, and my eyes were as wide a saucers.

It didn't feel bad. It just felt weird.

Edward was like a brother to me, and kissing him just felt wrong.

I pulled back, and continued to stare at him.

"Excuse me, young lady! What do you think you are doing?" Charlie yelled at me.

When had he opened the door? I didn't even hear it.

We were so screwed.
~~

"That is so funny. That man has wanted you forever." Alice said as she tried to stop laughing.

"Did you get in trouble?" Rose asked.

"Not really. They knew we were just kids, but after that we were not allowed to be alone. Anytime Edward would even hug me goodbye, Charlie would cringe. You could see in his face how hard it was to restrain himself from separating us. He eventually got over it."

"Wait, didn't he date one of your friends back in middle school?" Alice questioned.

"Yeah, he dated a few of my friends. I knew he still had feelings for me, but I couldn't bring myself to think of him as more than a friend. So I hooked him up with my friends over the years. There was this one time when we were in seventh grade, and it was our first school dance."

"Uh oh, the good old school dances. You gotta tell me this story." Rose said.

"Well, I liked Edward's friend Michael, and Edward liked my friend Danielle. So, we set each other up, and decided to all go as a group. Danielle and Michael lived on the same street, and Danielle's parents drove us all to the dance. It was so great. I was so smitten by Michael. He was tall, dark, handsome. He had these lips that were so perfect. Edward and Danielle seemed to really like each other too."

"Michael sounds hot!" Alice squealed.


"Believe me, he was. Other than the mishap kiss with Edward, Michael was my first kiss. We were slow dancing and he had his hands on the small of my back. My body was pressed against his. I was gazing into his beautiful blue eyes, and he bent down to kiss me. I swear the Earth stopped when his lips touched mine. It was the best moment of my life, at the time."

"Damn, girl. You sure you don't wanna marry Michael instead?" Rose interjected sarcastically.

"Funny, Rose. No. He's married with kids. That ship has sailed." I responded.

"What about Edward and Danielle?" Alice questioned.

"They kissed that night too. We all took pictures together. It was a great night. Michael and I dated for a while after that, and so did Edward and Danielle. It was puppy love though, so it didn't last too long. When those relationships were over it was back to me and Edward. Still best friends. Still there for each other."

"He really is a good guy. I never knew he was that loyal." Rose said.

"He's always been my rock. Through everything good and bad you can imagine-he was there. Like when I was twelve, and my grandma died. She was like a second mother to me. I was devastated when she died."

~ ~
Bella 12 years old

It was my last day at cheer camp. We were about a hundred and fifty miles away from home. I called my mom in the morning to check in, as usual.

"Hey Mom!"

"Bella," she began. "I have bad news."

My mind started racing with all of the thoughts of possible things she could be getting ready to tell me.

"What kind of bad news?" I questioned.

"Grandma died last night. I'm so sorry sweetie."

My heart stopped, and I quit breathing. I felt like it was a dream. That I would wake up any minute, and she would be there. The tears immediately started flowing down my cheeks. I was struggling to breathe again.

"Bella? Are you okay?"

"Ye... ye... yeah. I can't believe she's gone."

"I know baby. I'm so sorry. Just try to get through with your day, and we will be there to pick you up soon."

"Al.... alright."

I hung up on the phone, and walked around the rest of the day in a daze. I couldn't think about anything other than my grandma. I felt like my world had been shattered.

That night my parents arrived to take me home. I walked to the car, and I was surprised when I opened the door to find Edward in the backseat. I was instantly relieved. He had the ability to calm me just by being there.

I climbed in the backseat, and Edward instantly wrapped me in his arms.

"I'm sorry Bella."

The tears were flowing once again, and I couldn't bring myself to actually say anything in response. That was the beauty of our relationship. We pretty much knew what the other was thinking without having to actually say it.

I laid my head in his lap, and he stroked my hair the whole way home. Never speaking another word.

The day of the funeral he was right by my side. He held my hand during the service to comfort me. At the graveside he kept his hand on the small of my back. He was always giving me some sign that he was there without actually saying anything.


~ ~
"Oh God, I think I'm gonna cry!" Alice cried out.

"I know. I'm starting to tear up too!" Rose responded.

"I don't know if I would've made it through all of that without Edward."

Chapter 2- The Very Beginning

The Very Beginning- Bella POV

"Where do I start?" I questioned as I sat the bottle of water down and let out a deep breath. "You guys know most of it. You've been my best friends for years. I don't even know where to begin."

Alice grabbed two chairs from the opposite side of the dressing room and moved them to sit in front of me. "What stands out to you? What don't we know?" Alice said as she and Rosalie sat down in the chairs.

What stands out? What don't you know?

There are many years before I met them that they know only bits and pieces of. I had met them both in college. That leaves eighteen years of my life to try and explain to them.

"Where are my clothes I had on earlier? If I'm gonna tell you all of this, I wanna have some pants on at least." I scanned the room for my suitcase, and spotted it in the far corner. I quickly grabbed the suitcase, and pulled out a pair of jeans. I was wearing a corset, veil, and jeans. Classy.

I sat back down in the chair. "Okay, well I guess I need to go back to when I was four. That's where it all started."

Bella- 4 years old

"Mommy, why do I have to go? I don't want to. I wanna stay home with Grandma. Please don't make me go!" I cried out as I pitched a fit in the backseat of my mom's van.

"Bella, please calm down. It's not as bad as you are making it out to be. You are gonna have so much fun. You are gonna make all kinds of new friends and learn lots of fun stuff. I promise." Renee attempted to comfort me from the drivers seat.

I folded my arms across my chest in protest, and poked out my bottom lip. "I don't want new friends. I don't wanna learn." I said under my breath.

"You are over reacting. I promise you will love it and you do want to learn. Quit acting crazy!" She retorted as the car came to a stop.

I saw her unbuckle her seatbelt and come around the car to open my door. I went to lock the door, but my arm wasn't long enough and I couldn't reach it. She opened the door, and unbuckled my seat belt.

"Sweetie, I promise you are going to like it. I'll make you a deal. If you go to school for this week, and behave like the good girl I know you are, I will take you for pizza on Friday. Okay?" She said as she pulled me out of the car.

I didn't want to agree to it, but I loved pizza and she didn't let me have it very often.

I nodded my head, and she bent down to kiss my forehead. She then handed me the Mickey Mouse bookbag I had picked out earlier that week. I put my arms through the holes and shrugged it on to my back.

"Alight, now you and Mickey have a great day. Your dad will be back to pick you this afternoon, okay?"

I lightly kicked a rock on the pavement before I agreed. "Okay."

That was it. I was forced to go into the school. I didn't want to go but I had clearly lost the fight. I walked up the stairs, and there was a petite lady standing at the door. She welcomed me in, and guided me to my classroom.

She turned out to be my teacher. Her name was Mrs. Brown, and she was actually very nice.

Since it was the first day of our very first class, she had assigned our seats. Each of our names were written on index cards on our desks. My seat was next to a chalkboard on one side, and on the other side there was a kid named Edward. He wasn't there yet, and I was happy for a minute that I wouldn't have to sit next to anyone.

Mrs. Brown instructed me to place my bookbag in the assigned cubby hole, and to wait in my seat until class started.

I did as I was told. I already missed my grandma. She and I had so much fun at home. We were always playing together. Why couldn't I just stay home with her?

A few minutes later I saw Mrs. Brown walk in with a little boy. His hair was dark and messy and he was pretty pale. Mrs. Brown bent down to tell him something, and then I saw him walk towards my desk. He passed my desk, and went to put his bag in his cubby hole. Then he walked up and sat in the desk right next to mine.

Edward. This was the Edward I would be sitting next to every day. I hoped he would be nice, but I knew no one could be as much fun as my grandma.

"Hi. I'm Edward Cullen. What's your name?" He said in a high pitched voice as he held out his hand.

I looked at his hand like it was an alien. I'd never really been around too many boys. I reluctantly extended my hand to meet his. He's wrapped his small hand around mine, and began to shake it up and down.

"Umm.... I'm Bella." I responded before pulling my hand away.

Just then Mrs. Brown shut the door to the room, and walked up to the desk at the front of the room.

"Alright children, quiet down please." She said as she began to write on the chalkboard. "My name is Mrs. Brown, and I will be your teacher this year."

She then began to go over the rules, and activites we would be doing throughout the year.

We did a couple of learning exercises, and the next thing I knew it was recess time. School wasn't a bad as I had thought it was going to be. My mom was right; I did like to learn. I just hadn't been around many kids in my life, and being around so many at one time was making me uneasy.

We went out to the playground behind the building for recess. I went over to the swings, and sat down in one. I began to pump my legs back and forth to gain some height. I caught my stride, and was relaxing a bit when I felt a rock hit my arm. I looked around to see who where it came from. There were so many kids that I couldn't tell who had thrown it.



I continued to swing, figuring the rock had just been an accident. A short while later, I felt another rock hit my leg. I stopped the swing, and looked around. I saw Edward, and some other kid sitting on the slide and laughing.

Why was he throwing rocks at me? I hadn't done anything to him? He didn't even know me.

I sat on the steps for the rest of recess. I wanted to go home. I wanted to get away from this kid who was being mean to me for no reason.

We went back in the building where we were all instructed to use the bathroom, and wash up for lunch. Afterwards, we went back to the classroom where we ate our packaged lunches.

I refused to look over at Edward. He was mean, and I wanted nothing to do with him.

After we ate lunch, I was told it was nap time. We all pulled our mats out of our cubby holes, and laid them next to our desk.

I made sure to put mine next to the chalkboard and not next to Edward.

I was fast asleep until I felt someone pull my mat. I sat up in a panic and saw that, yet again, it was Edward.

"Leave me alone!" I yelled out.

"Be quiet, children." said Mrs. Brown.

I looked at Edward, and he was sitting on his mat laughing. What was it with this kid? Why did he have it out for me?

The rest of the day went by without incident, and at three o'clock my dad was there to pick me up. I ran out to his car, and opened the back door before he could even get out.

"Hey babygirl! How was school?" He asked excitedly.

I buckled myself in my seat. "Dad, can we please just go? I don't wanna talk about it!"

The car began to move. "Was is that bad?" He questioned.

"Yes, I just wanna get home and see grandma."

"I'm sorry you had such a bad day. We'll be home soon."

Once we arrived home, I ran to my grandma. She always had a way of comforting me. She was the nicest, most kind, loving grandma in the world.

"Grandma! I missed you so much!" I cried out as she enveloped me in a huge hug.

"I missed you too. How was school?"

She pulled out of the hug, and sat down on the couch. I climbed into her lap, and wrapped my arms around her torso. Just the smell of her could calm me down.

"It was awful! I'm never going back!"

She lightly rubbed my back in an attempt to comfort me. "Now now dear. Tell me what happened."

"Well, I had to sit next to this mean boy named Edward. At recess he threw rocks at me, and then during nap time he pulled my mat and wouldn't let me sleep. I don't know why he was so mean to me. He doesn't even know me." I managed to spit out through my sobbing.

She pulled me away from her chest, and grabbed my face. She looked into my eyes, and said "Well, you know why this Edward was doing all of that to you. Don't you?"

I had no idea. Maybe because he was just a mean person. I didn't know.

I shook my head.

"It's because he likes you."

"Grandma, that doesn't make sense."

"But it does. Boys his age pick on girls they like because they don't know how to express it. Trust me." She then pressed a light kiss against my forehead.

I was blown away. Why would he be mean to me if he liked me? Being mean to me didn't make me like him. I came to the conclusion then. Boys are stupid.

"Wow! I knew you guys had been friends forever but I didn't know it went back that far." Alice stated.

"Yeah, I know. I've been friends with him pretty much my whole life. I don't know what I'd do without him. I've never really had to be without him."

"That's sweet." Rosalie said.

"Yeah, but there's more to it than that." I stated as I rubbed my forehead.

Chapter One

Bella POV

“What the fuck am I doing?” I said under my breath as I took in my ridiculous appearance in the full length mirror. I assumed that to everyone else I looked beautiful and glowing. To myself I looked like I was a sad case of a woman. That somewhere along the line I had let familiarity and comfort take precedence over happiness.

I had taken a big fucking wrong turn along the way, and ended up here with a good guy that I just wasn't in love with. Yes, he loved me today. The question is after giving birth to a kid, and gaining weight I may not ever lose; would he love me then? Would he love me unconditionally? When my ass is sagging in forty years, will he still look at me and want me? When my face is all wrinkles, and my hair is all gray; will he want me then?

The better question was how would I feel in ten or twenty years? Will I look back, and think that I married my forever love, or will I look back and feel like I've wasted the last twenty years of my life on someone that was just a good guy?

All of a sudden my vision was blurry, and my head was spinning. I couldn't regulate my breathing, and that fucking corset made me feel like I was suffocating. I felt like the room was closing in on me. I started breaking out in cold sweats all over my body.

I reached behind my back trying desperately to grab a hold of the string that held the corset together. I couldn't seem to grasp the fucking string, and I knew if I didn't hurry up that I would be passed out on the floor from a fucking panic attack.

I finally grasped the string and pulled as hard as I could, and I finally felt the fucking corset begin to loosen, but it wasn't helping my breathing.

“Bella! What the hell are you doing?” Alice yelled as she rushed over to where I was standing. “You're so red, and you're sweating. Oh my God! Are you okay?”

“Please...just ….. get... me out....of.... this... thing!” I managed to sputter out in between my jagged breaths, while I was still trying my best to get out of this damn corset.

“Bella, just stop! I'll get you out of it! Just stop before you tear this dress to shreds!”

I couldn't fucking care less about that fucking wedding dress. After my mental fucking break down, no one was going to be getting married in it. I felt like I wanted to burn that dress. Yes, it was beautiful, and most women would feel like a princess in it. I, however, felt like a fucking prisoner.

I felt like taking those vows and signing that marriage license would be signing my life away to the wrong man. I would be domed to a loveless life that I would never truly make me happy.

I wasn't so naive to believe in prince fucking charming, but I did believe in forever unconditional love. I didn't believe that there would never be any arguments, but I did believe that he wouldn't use my own insecurities against me during a fight when I felt most vulnerable.

“Alice! You're taking too long. Fuck, I feel like I'm going to pass out!” I clutched my throat as if it was going to help the air actually come into my lungs.

“There! There! You're out! Sit down!” She shouted as she guided me back into the chair.

I literally collapsed into the chair. My legs felt like they were made of gelatin. I attempted to regain control of my breathing and slow my pulse.

Before I knew it, the tears were flowing down my cheeks and there wasn't anything I could do to stop it.

I sat there sobbing like a child while Alice kneeled down in front of me and attempted to calm me down by rubbing my arms.

“What's going on in here? People are starting to....” I heard Rosalie ask as she burst through the door.

“Shut the door!” Alice shouted.

“Oh my God! Is she okay? What happened?” Rose asked as she slowly walked towards the chair I was sitting in.

“I'm fucking sitting right here! You can ask me!” I seethed. I knew she didn't deserve my shitty attitude, but I couldn't help it. She was talking about me like I wasn't even in the room.

“I'm sorry, Bella. Are you alright? What can I do?” she questioned, as she kneeled down next to Alice.

“Can you get her some water?” Alice asked.

“Yeah, I'll be right back.”

Rose left the room, and I was still sobbing uncontrollably. It was like six years of pent up emotions were finally being released. All of the uncertainty, pain, berating, insulting, and resentment. It was all being released in that one moment.

“Bella, you have to regain your composure.”

“Fuck composure.”

I saw Rosalie re-enter the room through my blurred vision. She handed me the bottled water. “Here you go, B.”

I opened the bottle and practically swallowed the whole bottle in two gulps.

“Thank you.” I managed to say without anger in my voice. It seemed like my bodily functions were beginning to return to normal. My breathing was becoming more normal, and I felt my pulse slowing. My vision was back to normal, and I didn't feel like sweating pig anymore.

“Do you wanna tell us what happened?” Alice asked.

Where the fuck was I supposed to start? When I was four years old, or when I was twenty one? There were two starting points that ultimately converged in this day. Rosalie and Alice were my best friends, they already knew some of what was going on, but I hadn't told anyone the entire story. Maybe, today was the day.